Bowser's Scoopa Koopa
by Swimming Poole
Summary: An improved, more modern rewriting of the old SMW cartoon episode, "King Scoopa Koopa". Hope you like!
1. Chapter 1

Bowser's Scoopa Koopa

It was lunchtime at Peach's castle. The Princess had over Mario, Luigi, Daisy, Wario, and Waluigi for a meal. As Toad eagerly served the royal guests, Wario immediately begun to complain:

"What's this? RABBIT FOOD?!"

"It's salad, Wario" Peach replied in her most polite fashion.

"Eeeyuck!" the rotund Mario imposter scowled as he pushed his plate away.

Everyone, Waluigi included, was not pleased by his trademark rudeness today. Mario and Peach exchanged glances as Daisy muttered something under her breath about how some men never grow up.

"Wario, salad's good for you" explained Toad.

"Yeah" Waluigi agreed, "you COULD manage to lose a few pounds on that blubbery body of-a yours!"

Luigi brimmed with delight as he started to eat his salad.

"I love a good salad. It-a matches my outfit!"

Waluigi responded with a quick, disinterested "nyahh…" Mario, however, looked at his plate and sighed.

"Somehow, I kinda agree with him. How come some of the things I don't like are good for me, while a lot of the things I do like aren't?"

Peach giggled.

"Oh Mario, don't be so picky!"

"Peach is right" said Daisy. "We never have to deal with this when Yoshi is around. He doesn't think twice when he eyes food!"

"Hmm…speaking of that little green egg-machine, where is he?" Wario asked. "He never misses lunch!"

"Neither do you!" Waluigi interjected. "…unless you're in trouble."

Before the two could even think of starting a spat, however, the gang heard some excited commotion outside. They all left the castle and followed the sound until it led them to Fungus Square, in the heart of the food/services district. There they saw it.

A new fast-food restaurant had just opened. Signs showed giant pictures of all sorts of foods, drinks, and everything you could ever ask for. When the gang got there, the sign was just about to go up. When it did, though, everybody gasped in shock when they saw what it said: BOWSER'S SCOOPA KOOPA!

Upon cue, the Koopa King himself emerged from inside the building, dressed in a snappy new outfit, to welcome and promote his dubious venture.

"My friends…" he began, but the citizens all booed and hissed. He, of course, didn't care. "Lately, I've been feeling a little guilty over all the terrible things my troops and I have done to your fine, colorful kingdom. Therefore, I have decided to turn over a new leaf…"

"You mean turn over a new TREE, Papa!" Bowser Jr. chimed in. "You're too big for just a leaf!"

Bowser chuckled. "Right, a new tree. Anyway, the Koopa clan is giving up villainy and is now making its historic step in the right direction. We hereby announce that we are opening up Bowser's Scoopa Koopa restaurant as our first step in making amends with the Mushroom Kingdom!"

Upon cue, the restaurant doors opened and all the Toads in town, some reluctantly and others eagerly, went in. A Goomba with a tray on his head approached Mario and the gang.

"Free samples" the Goomba said, "courtesy of our formerly tyrannical Lord Bowser."

"Gimme that!" Wario snapped as he snatched a sandwich from the tray.

He took a bite and immediately fell in love.

"Ooohh, deeee-lishious!"

Waluigi followed suit as he gobbled one up and jumped for joy. Then Luigi tried a nibble and perked up.

"Oh boy, egg sandwich! Tish-delish!"

The others weren't so easily wooed. Mario especially didn't like what he just saw.

"Egg? Eh, not for me. But on the bright side, I think I know where to find Yoshi!"

And just as Mario suspected, Yoshi was first in line to take an order. Bowser Jr. looked at him in a distrusting fashion, and then turned to his father who gestured him to follow the order.

"Alright, dino-brain, whaddya want to order?" he said.

Yoshi looked at the menu, which consisted of countless sandwiches, sides, and drinks.

"One of everything!" the cheeky green dinosaur giggle-squeaked in his Yoshi fashion.

Jr. turned to the cooking staff.

"You heard him! Step on it!"

Immediately, the staff begun to cook the food. A Hammer Brother took an egg from a peculiar bird, one of many caged in the back, and cracked it open. A Goomba trio ran a treadmill to operate a Fire Bar grilling system to cook it. Kamek then flipped it onto a bun and prepared the condiments. Bowser stood right next to him and whispered to him. Nodding, the Magikoopa used his wand to create some sauce.

"Don't forget" Bowser announced, "our specialty sandwich, the Koopa Egg Delight, is served with our 'special' sauce! One bite and it's an eternal delight!"

Once Yoshi's order was complete, Jr. gave Yoshi his bill. Mario went up to the register and looked at it.

"50 coins?! That's highway robbery!"

"Hey!" Bowser shouted, "Can I help it if your dinosaur friend is a glutton? If I recall, that appetite of his foiled many of my plans. You should be happy that, for once, I'm ok with him eating my profits."

"I'm always happy when he eats whatever you cook up" Mario replied, "…just never thought you'd actually COOK it for once…"

Suddenly, everyone heard a loud growl from the doorway. It was Donkey Kong, and he did NOT look too happy. The primate squinted directly at the checkup counter and made a charge at it, only to be subdued by Mario's quick thinking.

"See, folks?" said Bowser. "Scoopa Koopa's food is so good; people are willing to go on rampages for it! Get'em while they're as hot as my breath!"

The customers all laughed and cheered as they all lined up to order food. Mario gave DK a good scolding:

"I understand how impatient you get, big fella, but you have to wait your turn to order what you want."

DK just looked at the building, snorted, and broodingly lumbered off. Mario scratched his head in exasperation as he watched him go.

Meanwhile, Luigi, Yoshi, Wario, and Waluigi returned with their food.

"What was that all about, Bro?" Luigi asked.

"I dunno" Mario replied, "maybe he was just in one of his moods again. You know how Donkey Kong is. He's not bad, but that temper of his always gets the best of him."

"Shame…" the green plumber sighed, then kindly offered his brother a milkshake.

"Oh? What's this?"

"I ordered you a shake."

"Wow, thanks Luigi!"

Mario slurped up his milkshake and was taken by surprise.

"Mamma-mia! Bowser may have been a really bad guy, but he knows how to make a good milkshake! Peach! Daisy! Toad! You should try some!"

Peach and the others stepped away.

"I refuse to have anything that Bowser had his nasty claws on!" Peach understandably snubbed defensively.

"Me neither" said Toad.

"And shakes go right to my thighs" Daisy added, "baseball season is coming up and I want to beat the Neon Shy Guys in the Mushroom World Series!"

"Your loss!" Waluigi taunted as he and Wario hogged down a lot of the food.

Mario looked at them, Luigi, and Yoshi, then at his cup. Milkshake aside, something wasn't right about all this.

"Not sure what it is" he thought, "but something smells, and it's not just that special sauce. Just can't put my finger on it…"

Indeed, the mere prospect of Bowser going good and opening a restaurant was peculiar. Was he really trying to finally make an honest buck, or was something more insidious in store for the Mushroom Kingdom. Only time could tell…in the meantime, it was lunchtime and everyone was eating. Mario just continued to drink his shake, pondering of what to do next.


	2. Chapter 2

A few days passed since Bowser opened up his Scoopa Koopa restaurant, and already it was the hot spot of the Mushroom Kingdom. As such, Luigi, Yoshi, Wario, and Waluigi kept eating there each day. Mario too had a few snacks from there as well, but, being the more sensible fellow, did so in reason. One morning, Peach decided to check up on the Mario Bros. When she opened the door to their house, she found nothing but Scoopa Koopa Egg Delight wrappers, Koopa Fry boxes, and milkshake cups all over the floor, Luigi oddly positioned as he slept near the fireplace and Mario at the table with his face down.

Luigi was the first of the two to wake up, but he did so in the most peculiar fashion. He stretched his body out, bent his arms like wings, and let out a loud crow, as if he were a bird of some kind! The sound of Luigi's crowing woke Mario up.

"Oh! I'm awake, I'm awake!"

He then noticed the princess looking less than pleased at their current state.

"Look at this place!" she scolded. "I've always held you two as role models for my people, but now look! There's garbage everywhere, Luigi's catching up to you in terms of belly shape, and…why is he acting like a chicken?"

"I don't like the way the place has been getting either, Princess. I've tried and tried to talk sense into Luigi and giving Scoopa Koopa a break, but he just won't stop eating from there. He's been draining our coin supply like it was a kitchen sink! *chuckle* Get it? It's a little plumber joke, after all. But jokes aside, I'm as concerned as you. I don't…"

But before Mario could continue, there was a knock at the door. Mario opened it to find Yoshi and the two Wicked Bros., and they too were acting as funny as Luigi.

"Braaaaawk, hey Greenie!" squawked Waluigi. "We're going to Scoopa Koopa's for breakfast!"

"Yeah, cluck-caw" Wario added, "Bowser's added a breakfast menu!"

Yoshi just squeaked and clucked for joy as he tried flapping around.

But before Luigi could join his snacking buddies, Peach grabbed them and pushed them into the house. Mario was stunned.

"Peach" he pleaded, "what's the meaning of this?"

"Mario" she said, "I'd like for you to make sure these fast food junkies are not to eat anymore of Bowser's food, and same goes for you too! I've noticed how much you like the shakes. Come tomorrow, the five of you shall go on a diet and I will order a royal decree that nobody serve you all any junk food until you guys shake this habit! You understand? NO MORE SCOOPA KOOPA!"

And with that, she slammed the door and locked them in. Mario couldn't believe what had just happened. The others, however, were a little more melodramatic over the situation.

"No more Scoopa Koopa?" whined Wario.

"Oh, I hate diet!" cried Yoshi.

Mario turned to his brother and friends.

"One egg sandwich with you birdbrains and now I'm stuck babysitting you. Mamma-mia, what am I going to do with all of you?" he sighed.

Now he knew something was indeed going on, but he still wasn't sure what it all meant. He went into his room, hoping things would sort themselves out by morning.


	3. Chapter 3

A day later, Mario banged on the door feverishly, begging to be let out.

"Peach! Toad! Anybody! Let me out of here!" he hollered.

Toad unlocked the door and let himself, Peach, and Daisy in.

"You're all not gonna believe this" Mario explained, "but Luigi took what was left of our coin savings and he flew the coop along with the rest of the guys!"

"Impossible" Toad replied. "They were locked up with you, how could they possibly…?"

Toad stopped to notice a feather on the floor that closely resembled the color of Luigi's green shirt and hat. Next to it, he found one colored like Waluigi's overalls, and a few that looked the red of Yoshi's saddle, and on the windowsill sat a few that were shaped like Wario's unmistakable crooked moustache.

"Uh-oh…" Toad gulped.

"Now do you believe me, guys?" Mario pleaded.

And with that, Mario, Toad, and the ladies all bolted to the Scoopa Koopa, where they found countless Toads either sporting feathers, with a stupefied look on their faces, or both.

"I don't like the look of this…" said a worried Peach.

"Me neither" Toad said in agreement, clutching onto her dress for protection.

And that's when they saw their friends…but they looked completely unrecognizable! They had grown feathers, wings, and beaks. They've become birds! And they were carrying a chest containing a great deal of coins.

"That's…gonna occupy my nightmares for a few weeks…" gulped a disturbed Daisy.

"Buck-buck, oh boy, buck! I can't wait to eat, buck!" Luigi clucked.

"Stop right there!" Mario exclaimed as he stood in their way.

"Hey, bwak! Why must you, buck, always get in the way, bwuck?" Wario grumbled.

"I cannot believe you" Mario said, "wasting our money, and for WHAT? Just a few bites of a sandwich that's surely turning you guys into what you're eating?"

"Exactly" said a voice right behind them. The gang turned around to find Bowser himself towering over them.

"You!" Mario shouted. "I KNEW this had to be another one of your plans! Not sure what it fully is, but from what I'm seeing it has no-good written all over it!"

Bowser grinned a traditional sinister Bowser grin and grabbed Mario by his hat.

"You see" he explained, "the secret to the Egg Delight's secret sauce is that it contains a special transformation spell concocted by my Magikoopas. As your pitiful friends and everyone else keep making pigs out of themselves with those sandwiches, the more the spell kicks in. They'll be no more than the main course for my next menu item: Koopa's Clucker Delight! Anyone turned into a chicken by our egg sandwich will be rounded up and roasted by yours truly, as I am THE most awesome fire-breather out there. And then they'll be served to more unknowing customers. It's genius, EVIL genius, that is!"

"Oh yeah?" Daisy snapped. "What about those who haven't eaten your lousy egg sandwiches?"

"Oh, my little yellow-bellied brat of a princess, I recently added Bowser Burgers to the menu. They too have a magic spell sauce, whoever eats them now works for me! As you can see, my staff has grown quite a lot in the last few days…"

He opened the door to reveal a number of Toads, all hypnotized, working in the building either as busboys or assistant cooks.

"Oh no, my people…" Peach gasped.

"Soon" Bowser continued, "the entire Mushroom Kingdom will be in my clutches! I knew feigning the whole 'turn a new leaf' baloney and coaxing them with food would work on your gullible fungus twerps, Princess Peach. And I think it's time you joined them…"

The King Koopa then grabbed Peach by her torso, pulled out an Egg Delight, and tried to feed it to her.

"Open wide!" he laughed ominously.

But before he could get her to eat it, Mario leaped into action and punched the sandwich out of his hand.

"Oh, so THAT'S how it's gonna be, eh?" Bowser turned to everyone inside, both employee and customer. "Looks like someone wants to shut us down! What do we have to say to that?"

"Get them!" Bowser Jr. shouted from the back.

On cue, the mentally enslaved customers, Mario's friends included, all turned to face the gang and began to chase them. Mario and the others had no choice but to run.

As the chase ensued, Mario saw some Fire Flowers growing nearby. He had the idea of using it to power up Fire Mario and use his fireballs to stop them, but Peach discouraged him out of the fear of harming any of her people. Daisy enjoyed the chase to some extent, as she always loved getting active. The duties of ruling Sarasaland 24/7 usually bored her to tears, unlike her cousin Peach, who found the responsibility of ensuring the happiness and well-being of her kingdom a joy. However, Daisy's enjoyment out of the situation began to wade once the Toads who had grown chicken wings joined forces with the Koopa Paratroopas and started dive-bombing the good guy fugitives.

The four heroes ran and ran until they were on the outskirts of the Mushroom Kingdom, and the Scoopa Koopa posse was gaining on them quickly. It wasn't until they encountered a mountainside where the posse had them up against a corner. Mario prepared for the worst as Peach, Daisy, and Toad all stood helplessly behind him. All of a sudden, a large, hairy figure came crashing down in front of the brave plumber.

"DK?" Mario gasped.

Indeed it was. With a mighty Hand-Slap, Donkey Kong blew the posse away for the moment. With the chasers currently out of commission, the ape scooped up the fugitives and started scaling the mountainside.

"Well I'll be YOUR uncle, thanks for saving us down there!" Mario said gratefully.

"I thought we were goners!" Toad added.

"Eh, I could've beat them all if I had a good shot at them…" Daisy said.

DK smiled briefly, then reverted back to his determined pout as he took them all down a Warp Pipe.

"Where are you taking us, Donkey Kong?" Peach asked with a concerned brow.

Her answer was immediately answered when they emerged out of the pipe and landed in the middle of Kong Isle. Upon their arrival, they were met by Diddy Kong, who looked a nervous wreck than anything else.

"Why did you bring us here, Donkey Kong? And what's with your little pal Diddy?" asked Mario.

The gorilla pointed everyone's attention to a very awful sight. They soon noticed that the beautiful jungle island that was the Kong's homeland had become polluted with trash. Birds were picking wrappers out of their nests. Boxes were piling up everywhere. The water had turned all blotchy and foggy. Toad even witnessed how the other members of the Kong clan were affected, as Dixie and Tiny were seen removing a sticky piece of trash off of poor Kiddy, with some of the gooey substance still on his body hair. Mario and his friends could not believe what they were seeing. Mario picked up a piece of garbage off of a passing squirrel and recognized where it came from:

"Bowser's Scoopa Koopa?" he gasped in shock.

He then noticed where all the trash was coming from. A bigger-than-normal-size Warp Pipe came into view, and from the looks of it, had been endlessly spewing out all this garbage since its invasion.

"Donkey Kong, is this why you acted up the other day? Because Bowser's restaurant is using your jungle as its personal garbage dump?"

DK lowered his head in sorrow and nodded.

"I knew Bowser was horrible, but now like this…" Toad said. "Enslaving a person is one thing, but ruining the home of another as a side-effect? That's just…evil."

"GRRRR…." Daisy was fuming. "When I get my hands on that no-good turtle…!"

Peach went to her and eased her, then went to DK.

"Donkey Kong" she assured him, "what Bowser has done to your land shall not go unpunished. I will see to it that we fix this mess and give his troops what they have coming."

Knowing the purity of her good heart and gentle nature, DK smiled and nuzzled the princess in pink on the cheek. Mario joined in and patted the ape on the shoulder.

"Atta boy" he chuckled wholeheartedly. "Now, you think you and your friends could help us take down Bowser's restaurant?"

DK smiled a wide, toothy smile and stomped eagerly as Diddy, Dixie, and the other Kongs and jungle friends joined in.

"Wonderful!" Mario beamed. "Now huddle up, everyone. I think I've got a plan…"


	4. Chapter 4

Having chased Mario, Toad, and the two princesses out of the restaurant and out of the kingdom, Bowser and his minions continued to put their evil plans into action.

"One more day" Bowser informed his employees/underlings in the back of the building, "and the spell cast by the secret sauce will be permanent! You know what that means…"

"Please remind me, oh great Sire…" whimpered a forgetful Koopa Troopa.

"That means those who had a burger have signed a lifelong contract with Scoopa Koopa, and the eggheads who ate the initial egg sandwiches will go from the fried egg to the fire…then to the frying pan! And with that, that dopey Mushroom Kingdom will become Scoopa Koopa Central! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I must admit, this was the best idea I had yet."

As Bowser was reveling in his evilness alongside his troops, nobody except for a lone Goomba noticed a rumbling coming from the garbage disposal.

"Your highness…?" he stammered nervously.

"What is it?" Bowser snapped. "Can't you see I'm enjoying how awesomely nasty I am?"

"Y-yes, you are awesomely bad, but you'd better take a look at the garbage pipe. It's acting funny."

Bowser Jr. went up to the big pipe, just to stop the Goomba's concern. He looked inside, then began to walk away.

"Happy now? It's nothing, probably your imagina…"

Before Jr. could finish his belittling, the pipe roared and rumbled like crazy. All of a sudden, a certain rhinoceros native to the Kong Isles, carrying both Donkey Kong and Mario, bounded out and took a stance that screamed 'ready for action'.

"Greetings from the MARIO HEALTH INSPECTORS, coming straight from the Kong Isles!" Mario announced.

"You again?" Bowser bellowed, "And you brought that flea-bitten baboon with you?"

"He's not too pleased with the little 'arrangement' you made regarding your waste management."

DK grumbled in agreement as he gritted his teeth.

"Aw look at that" Bowser taunted, "the widdle monkey's mad that Bowser's Scoopa Koopa dwopped a paper wapper onto his jungle gwound. What's he gonna do? Throw a banana at me? HA!"

"Nope" Mario replied, "something much worse. LET'S-A GO, EVERYONE!"

Upon Mario's summon, the Kongs, along with Peach, Daisy, and Toad, came bursting out of the pipe and began to fight. Mario jumped off of Rambi and left DK to ride his rhino steed as he laid waste to the kitchen. Toad rode on Diddy's back as he flew around via his barrel jetpack and shot at the Koopa Troopa and Goomba employees.

"Nuts to you!" Toad said to the targets below as they were shot with peanuts.

Peach and Daisy made a dash to the bird cages with Bowser Jr. in pursuit, but the Koopa prince stepped on some bubblegum and was tripped by Dixie Kong and her ponytail. Peach gasped as she saw the birds all caged up and frightened.

"Oh dear!" she gasped.

"What is it?" Daisy called over, still warding off a Hammer Bro.

"These birds are all Pillsbury Down Pheasants! Their eggs being so delicious that in the past decade, their numbers have been declining due to poaching."

The appalled princess began setting them free, but Bowser Jr., having gotten the gum off his foot, leaped for Peach and the rare pheasants. Before he could get his little claws on them, though, the pheasants all began attacking him with their sharp beaks.

"Waaaaahhhh!" Jr. cried. "Mama Peach is taking away my birdies!"

"Serves you right for trying to exploit an endangered species" Peach scolded. "That's one more mark against this awful place, right up there with polluting and mass enslavement."

As soon as he saw that his days as a restauranteur have been numbered, Bowser took his ill-gotten earnings and began to flee. Mario tried to stop him, but only managed to free the coins. Bowser & son took off in their Koopa Clown Car, with their defeated troops following them on foot. Having driven the bad guys off, Mario walked out the front doors with the others at his side, blockading anyone about to go in.

"Ladies and gentlemushrooms of the Mushroom Kingdom" Mario declared, "Bowser's Scoopa Koopa is officially out of business, by order of the Mario Health Inspectors!"

All of the restaurant's regular (regular as in brainwashed/hex-struck) customers were all taken by surprised.

"And to make sure it stays closed…" Mario continued, "ok fellas, do your stuff!"

Suddenly, Diddy shot sky-high out of the roof of the building with his jetpack, carrying DK along with him. The massive gorilla then unlatched from the rocketing chimp and plummeted fist-first at break-neck speed onto the building. And with that, the building that once held home to Bowser's restaurant tumbled down in a matter of seconds and was no more. Still spellbound, the transformed consumers and brainwashed employees wept at the sight.

"No use crying" Daisy said, "that place was no good from the start."

"Right" Mario agreed. "Now, go home and eat some vegetables. Dr. Mario's Orders!"


	5. Chapter 5

A week had passed since Bowser's restaurant plans were foiled, and everything went back to normal. Luigi, Wario, Yoshi, and Waluigi changed back into their normal selves (though Wario still hacked up a few feathers from his throat here and there), as were anyone else who ate from the place. And once the spell had completely worn off, Peach ordered a mass cleanup date of the Kong Isles, in which everyone who ate at the restaurant must participate.

"I can't believe I almost turned into a bird…" Luigi lamented as he helped scrub gunk off of a tree. "I know some people call me chicken, but almost becoming one is worse!"

"I'm just glad to have my brother back" Mario replied. "Now come on, it's lunch break!"

Everyone gathered around a big, wooden table as DK brought out a big platter. The platter had all sorts of sandwiches, salads, and anything else that obviously a Kong would enjoy…mostly because it was all made from bananas! Everyone giggled, scratched their heads in confusion, or groaned. Wario, of course, reverted back to his old, impolite ways.

"BANANAS? Feh!" he sneered as he took a small plate of banana salad and threw it away.

Wario then received a nice whack on the head from Cranky Kong, who pointed his cane at him and snarled, in a displeased manner, something about 'leaving the salad tossing to the chefs'.

"I'd be wise to not anger Cranky, Wario" Mario advised his bizarro foil, "I know from experience that he, just like his son, doesn't fool around when mad!"

"Y-y-you mean 'monkey' around? Hehehe…" joked Luigi nervously, fearing that the eldery gorilla would hit him too. Instead, Diddy came by and gave him a piece of banana sandwich, implying no hard feelings. Relieved, Luigi blushed and ate the sandwich gleefully as everyone laughed.

So it seemed everything was back to normal with Mario and his friends, and they were safe to live peacefully another day…

…meanwhile, Professor Chops the pig was walking around the Kong Isle pathways when he noticed something wrapped in paper nearby. Curious, he picked it up and examined it, only to find out that some food was inside the wrapper. It was a leftover Koopa Egg Delight! He nibbled on it, not knowing of the recent events, and fell in love! Uh-oh…

THE END?


End file.
